Michigan for Dakota

I got the go ahead to share my new book cover today. It’s for Incubus, book two in the Redemption series. Blurb and excerpt tomorrow.

And now, a special feature for Dakota:

Michigan

*If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan.

*If you’re proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pellston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan.

*If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Michigan.

*If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan.

*If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don’t work there, you might live in Michigan.

*If your dad’s suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan.
*If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in Michigan. (OMG I HAVE done this)

*If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan.

*If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan.

You know you’re a true MICHIGANDER when:

1. “Vacation” means going up north on I-75 or US-131.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
9. You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

13. Down South to you means Ohio.
14. A brat is something you eat.
15. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.

16. You can go out to fish fry every Friday.

17. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

18. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

19. You find 0 degrees “a little chilly.”

20. You drink pop and bake with soda.

21. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernor’s and you know it’s not medicine.

22. You know what a Yooper is.

23. You know that UP is a place, not a direction

24. You know it’s possible to live in a thumb.

25. You understand that when visiting Detroit , the best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest.

COLD IS A RELATIVE THING. . .

60 above zero
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Michigan plant gardens.

50 above zero
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Michigan sunbathe.

40 above zero
Italian & English cars won’t start.
People in Michigan drive with the windows down.

32 above zero
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Lake Michigan gets thicker.

20 above zero
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Michigan throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Michigan have the last cookout before it gets cold.

Zero
People in Miami all die.
Michiganders close the windows.

10 below zero
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Michigan get out their winter coats.

25 below zero
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Michigan are selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Michigan let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in Michigan start saying…”Cold enough fer ya?”

500 below zero
Hell freezes over.
Michigan public schools will open 2 hours late.

13 thoughts on “Michigan for Dakota

  1. Yeah, it’s kinda cold. Right now it’s in the mid-thirties. It’s a bit of a heatwave. The really cold stuff hits mid-January through late February. That’s when we plummet into negative numbers.

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