I buckled. Yesterday I was unmotivated to do anything but work on my new story. And you know what? I really like it. I only wrote about 2000 words on it, but I’m still happy with my progress. This one’s gonna be long, and I don’t know where it’s going to be sent. It’s not my standard erotic romance. That’s the scary thing… If it was the sort of thing I normally write, I have at least three places to send it. None would be guaranteed acceptances, but I’d feel more on level ground. The story isn’t letting me go, so we’ll see.
Today after work, I’ll be hard at work on the story I have to write. That makes it sounds as if I’m not excited by the story. I am. It’s just not what I feel like writing right now. I’ve learned that what I feel like doing doesn’t get the job done. It makes me scream a little when I read about needing to be moved by a muse in order to write or having to ‘feel’ like writing a story in order to complete it. Sometimes there’s something wrong with a story that needs to be fixed. Sometimes it’s just you undermining yourself. Sometimes you just have to make yourself DO IT. That sounds awfully hard line, but I have the experience to know about this. Of my last twelve books, I didn’t feel like it during at least half of the time I was writing eleven of them. Did I get them done? Yes. Did they turn out well? Yes. Did I have to fight for the first few paragraphs whenever I didn’t feel like it and then have to fix them later? Yes. Was it worth it? Yes, definitely yes. I’m a professional writer. Sometimes there are things I don’t want to do but I have to because I have to make deadlines. I missed a personal deadline for August first recently because I was over the top slammed with work and the guilt wasn’t worth it. I make myself work because I don’t need that disappointment in myself and the wonder about what would have happened if I’d just put on my big girl panties and done the work.
This seems to be in opposition to buckling yesterday and working on the story I wanted to work on rather than the story I need to work on. The difference there is that I know I have time to complete the have to story. And the new story is a bit of a have to story too – I’ve been promising myself for six months that I would write a more mainstream book. This is it. If I want to make that step forward, I have to do the work. Not want to. Have to.